The kettle cull (Part 1)

29 Nov

THERE’S going to be a kettle cull in the office. Apparently it’s to do with the air conditioning system not working. It’s a long and dismal story of management ineptitude and failure. But it’s worth summing up in a couple of paragraphs.

The air conditioning doesn’t work but the parent company, Spylt Inc, won’t pay to have it fixed. So the managing director has had new windows placed at strategic points – these can be opened in times of hot weather to allow air to circulate. This is viewed in some quarters as revolutionary thinking. Actually, it’s what people did in the old days before management sealed all the windows and introduced air conditioning.

Now that the colder weather has arrived, management has installed electric wall heaters at strategic points. This is viewed as revolutionary thinking. But when the wall heaters are working, the circuits overload and the switchgear trips if someone turns on a kettle. So all the kettles are to be rounded up.

Rumour has it they are to be forced at gunpoint into cattle trucks and shunted up the East Coast mainline to a camp near Otterburn and an uncertain future.

People want their kettles. They’re angry. Me, I’m steaming.

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