In particles we trust

14 Dec

THE Leek Man is fumbling through his notes in the Editor’s office, ready to address afternoon conference. The Leek Man deals with the national news pages of the Nitherley Observer and Bugle, though he gives the impression he would rather be sitting in his allotment shed doing a crossword.

Leek Man: “I was thinking of leading Page 26 with the latest developments at the Large Hadron Collider beneath the Swiss-French border near Geneva. Scientists have just announced that they may or may not have had their first glimpse of Higgs boson, the elusive particle that’s supposed to be the missing link in the creation of the universe.”

Editor: “Jesus. Haven’t we had enough science with that dinosaur bone turning up in Sunderland in this morning’s paper? I mean, if people want science they’ll buy a magazine or watch David Attenborough or something.”

Deputy Editor, interjecting: “But this is a huge development, Boss, and if this is in fact the case, that scientists have at last tracked down the so-called God Particle, which is responsible for creating the universe and which holds matter together, then it really is an important story. The Higgs boson is the most coveted prize in particle physics. It is the missing component that allows us to determine how particles and forces interacted to form the universe.”

Moment’s silence.

Editor: “So this is actually a particle of God himself. This is the first scientific proof that God exists. This is a piece of the Almighty.”

Moment’s silence.

Deputy Editor: “No. It’s just called the God Particle because that’s its name.”

Leek Man: “If anything, it’s another nail in the coffin of Creationism and further proof that God is just a fairytale.”

Moment’s silence.

Editor: “Thank fuck for that. I thought I was going to have to start praying again. But it’s not much of a story. Got any X Factor stuff?”

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