There but for the grace of God

27 Jan

THE Bishop of Nitherley has been invited to edit the paper for a day. He’s sitting in the editor’s chair dressed in a sharp black suit and wearing a crucifix on a chain. The Editor sits at the back of the room as people file in for conference. Everyone has been instructed to be on his or her best behaviour.

Editor, directing his words at the bishop: “This is our final conference of the day and the one where we determine exactly what’s going in tomorrow’s paper. Traditionally we start with the sport pages, so our Sport Editor, Ronnie, will kick things off.”

Bishop: “I like that – our Sport Editor will kick things off. Very appropriate.”

Editor: “It’s a play on words.”

Bishop: “Yes, I can see that.”

Editor, feeling pleased with himself, to the Sport Editor: “What have you got for us, Ronnie?”

Sport Editor: “Yeh, right. No problem. Sorted. We’ll be leading the back page with a preview of tomorrow’s FA Cup game between Liverpool and Man U.”

Bishop: “Excellent. I shall enjoy reading that. Who do you think will win?”

Sport Editor: “Man U. Liverpool will get crucified.”

Bishop: “Crucified?”

Sport Editor: “Absolutely crucified. Nailed.”

Bishop: “Absolutely crucified and nailed? You expect the outcome to be as clear cut as that?”

Sport Editor: “Christ aye.”

Editor, interjecting: “Thanks, Ronnie. That sounds fine. We’ll now move on to features, and if you would like to return to your desk and finish your pages, Ronnie, the bishop might have time to look at them before he goes home. But there again, perhaps not.”

Sport Editor: “No probs, Boss.”

Moment’s silence while the Sport Editor leaves the room.

Bishop: “I beg to differ with Ronnie. I think Liverpool are in with a chance. I must confess, though, I really am a huge Liverpool fan.”

Editor: “Everyone has a cross the bear . . .         Fuck.”

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